 An accountant visited the Natural History
museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:
"This
dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did
you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and
the guide told me that the dinosaur is
two billion years old." |
|
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed
robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the
tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up
against
a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is
going on accountant number one jams something in
accountant number
two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two
whispers, "What
is this?" to which accountant number one replies,
"it's that $50 I
owe you." |
|
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping
and goes to see
his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at
night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the
problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find
it." |
|
A patient was at her doctor's office after
undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some
very grave
news for you. You only have six months to
live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor
replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?"
asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM
longer." |
|
Why do
accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures. |
|
Why accountants don't read
novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. |
|
A guy in a bar
leans over to the guy
next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant
joke?"
The
guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you
should
know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And
the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an
accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
The
first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two
times." |
|
If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what
does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work." |
|
A 54-year-old
accountant leaves a letter
for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I
am 54 years old,
and by the time you get this letter I will be at the
Grand Hotel
with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."
When he
arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that
read
as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time
you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen
year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely
appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into
18." |
|
A
business owner tells her friend that
she is desperately searching for an
accountant.
Her friend
asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short
while
ago?"
The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been
searching for." |
