 An old man approaches the window of a cinema with
a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the
counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well,
my pet
chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We
can't
allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner
and stuffs
the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window,
buys his
ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts
to get hot and
begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so
the chicken can stick
it's head out and watch the film. Seated
next to him is a woman. She
looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and
whispers, "Agnes, this man over here
has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't
worry about it...you've seen one,
you've seen them all." Madge
says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my
POPCORN!!" |
|
Two Marines were sitting around talking one day.
The
first Marine asked the second Marine, "If they were to drop a
bomb right
now, what would be the first thing you would
do?"
The second Marine said, "I would screw the first thing that moved.
What would you do?"
The first Marine replied, "I would stand
very still for half an
hour." |
|
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier.
With considerable
bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of
battle, in the line of
fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead
soldier. In a hail of
bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!" |
|
What's the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you
have to turn around. |
|
What's the ultimate rejection?
When you're
masturbating and your hand falls asleep. |
|
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no
big deal unless you're not getting any. |
|
What did
the egg say to the boiling
water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute
ago." |
|
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming. |
|
What is it when a man talks dirty to
a
woman?
Sexual harassment. |
|
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a
man?
$3.99 a minute. |
