A husband and wife were having dinner at a
fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes
their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see
and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the
that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I
divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but
we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips
to Paris, no more
wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany,
no more Infinities
and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht
club. But the decision is
yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the
restaurant with a gorgeous
babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with
Jim? " asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office
wanting to file for
Attorney: "May I help you?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got
about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do
you have a case?"
Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I
have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?"
"No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a
. That's why I want this dayvorce."
Question: Why is divorce so
Answer: Because it's worth it.
My husband and I divorced over
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
A ninety-year-old couple decide
to get a
divorce. They go to the judge and say, "Judge, we want a
The judge says, "You've been married 70 years and now you want to
a divorce? Why did you wait so long?"
The couple say in
unison, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were
Q: Why do divorced men get married
A: Bad memory.
Definition of Divorce: The future tense of
Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinnati filed for
a divorce from her
husband in 1949 on grounds of desertion. She
testified he'd stepped out
"for a beer" on the Fourth of July, 1917,
and had never come back.
guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising
his voice, asks to speak to
"Sorry, he doesn't
live here anymore, we're divorced!"
Next day, the guy does the
same thing with the same results.
He does this everyday for a week,
and finally his ex-wife realizes who
it is that keeps calling.
"Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of
story! When are you going
to get that through your fat head?"
"Oh, I know! I just can't
hear it enough!"
Question: What's the
major cause of
Answer: Once is not enough.