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Joke Categories
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 A car was involved in an accident in a
street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter,
anxious to
get his story could not get near the car.
Being a
clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let
me
through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for
him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey. |
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A photographer for a national
magazine
was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at
the
scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called
his
home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the
airport!" he was assured by his
editor. As soon as he got to the small,
rural airport, sure enough, a
plane was warming up near the runway.
He jumped in with his equipment and
yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the
wind and soon they were in the
air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the
photographer, "and
make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the
pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and
photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great
exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not
the
instructor?" |
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Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a
journalist are
covering a political convention in Miami. They
decide to walk up and down
the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up
the beach, they stumbled
upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie
appears and says "Normally I
would grant you three wishes, but
since there are three of you, I will
grant you each one
wish."
The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my
life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The
genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.
The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life
living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money
worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the
Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And
what would your
wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want the
m both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the
deadline for
tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours. |
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A cub reporter for
a small town
newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He
submitted the following
report to his editor. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a
car accident
today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations
on her
breasts."
The Editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family
paper. We
don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and
write something
more appropiate!"
The young reporter thought
long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor
the following report.
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today.
She is recovering
in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )
" |
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When a visitor to a small town in Georgia
came upon a wild dog
attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the
animal and throttled it with
his two hands.
A reporter saw the
incident, congratulated the man and told him the
headline the
following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by
Killing
Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from
that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will
probably say,
'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing
Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case,"
the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should
read, 'Yankee
Kills Family Pet'." |
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George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac
river on foot.
The Washington Post : "President Bush crosses the
Potomac River".
The Washington Time : "Bush's conservative approach
saves taxpayers a
boat".
Mother Jones : "Bush can't swim". |
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A shy guy goes into a bar and
sees a
beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up
his
courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. "Would
you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
To which she
responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I
won't sleep with you
tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally,
the guy is
hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back
to his table. After
a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and
apologizes. She smiles
at him and says, "I'm sorry if I
embarrassed you. You see, I'm a
journalist and I've got an assignment to
study how people respond to
embarrassing situations."
To which
he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean
$200?" |
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A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital
and tells the desk
nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear
doctor."
"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to
see someone else?"
"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he
says.
"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the
eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear
doctor."
No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear
doctor."
They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says:
"Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would
you want to see him?"
"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one
thing and seeing
another." |
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A film crew was on location deep in the
desert. One day an old
Indian went up to the director and said,
"Tomorrow rain." The next day
it rained. A week later, the Indian went up
to the director and said,
"Tomorrow storm." The next day there was
a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He
told his secretary
to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several
successful predictions, the old Indian didn't
show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to
shoot a big scene tomorrow,"
said the director, "and I'm depending
on you. What will the weather
be like?"
The Indian shrugged
his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is
broken." |
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A newsboy was standing on the corner with a
stack of
papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people
swindled! Fifty people
swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought
a paper, and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said,
"There's nothing in here about fifty
people being
swindled."
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it.
Fifty-one people swindled!" |
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