 Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on
couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you --
everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the
world." |
|
A
psychiatrist was conducting a group
therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother he
said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even
named your daughter
Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money.
Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He
turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your
child's
name is Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took
her little boy by the
hand and whispered, "Come on sweety, let's go
home." |
|
A young woman
took her troubles to a
psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she
pleaded. "It's
gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in
bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a
week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to
strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For
God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so
I won't
feel guilty and depressed afterward." |
|
A psychologist is at
a party talking
with a small group of people, when a man comes up
behind him and
taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and
the man
hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes
himself
off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his
problem." |
|
What is the difference between a
psychiatrist and a psychologist?
If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my
mother," he will ask "Why do
you say that?" while a psychologist will
say "Thank you for sharing
that with us." |
|
What's the difference between a
psychologist and a magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of
rats! |
|
Psychiatrist to his nurse:
"Just say
we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a
madhouse.'" |
|
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He
says, "It seems I can't
make any friends. Can you help me, you fat
slob?" |
|
Why is psychoanalysis
a lot quicker
for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to
childhood, a man is already
there. |
|
A psychologist returned from a confrence
in Aspen lodge, where all
the psychologists were permited to ski
for free. Her husband asked her,
"How it went?". She replied, "Fine,
but I've never seen so many
Freudians slips." |
