 A salesman walking along the beach found a
bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will
grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since
Satan
still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as
well -- only double."
The salesman thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I
would like ten million dollars," he
announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and
assured
the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has
just
received $20,000,000," the genie said.
"I've
always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari
appeared. "But your rival has just received two
Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the salesman, "I've
always wanted to donate a kidney
for transplant." |
|
How do salespeople traditionally greet each
other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you." |
|
A salesman was
demonstrating unbreakable
combs in a department store. He was impressing the
people who
stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of
torture and
stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he
bent the comb
completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a
beat, he bravely held up both halves of the
'unbreakable' comb for
everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and
gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside." |
|
Two shoe salespeople were
sent to Africa
to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one
salesperson
called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next
flight.
Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."
At the same time the
other salesperson sent an email to the factory,
telling "The
prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!" |
|
A
software manager, a hardware manager,
and a marketing manager are driving
to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the
problem.
The software
manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a
hardware
problem."
The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car
off and on
again, it would fix itself."
The marketing
manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship
it!" |
|
A salesman who was out on his territory had a
heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called
the
salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales
manager.
The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and
told the
motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search
his pants for
orders." |
|
How can you tell when a salesperson is
lying?
His lips are moving. |
|
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman
manages
to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural
area.
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of
dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she's really worried
it may not all come off, so the
salesman says, "If this machine
doesn't remove all the dust completely,
I'll lick it off
myself."
"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for
electricity yet!" |
|
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job
as a
vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of
intensive
training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice
his pitch on
his wife.
The next morning, the manager asked
the novice how he made out.
Well," the man began, "I did what you
said, and after I finished, I
asked her if she would buy the vacuum
cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.'
Then I asked her 'why ?' She
replied, 'Because I love you'." |
|
A
traveling salesman was held up by a bad
storm in the Hawaiian Islands.
He sent an e-mail to his corporate
headquarters advising them that he
was stranded for a few days and
requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly: "Begin
vacation as of yesterday." |
